Using goals to re-frame your reality
For me, a cancelled trip to Nashville meant a beautiful weekend hike with my husband.
Most of us know that goal setting is an important and effective way to feel driven and accomplished.
But what happens when, by no fault of our own, those goals come crashing down around us?
Maybe your parent or child gets sick and needs you.
Maybe you lose your job.
Maybe a super virus forces the entire world to stay inside for an indefinite amount of time, and cancels all your plans, trips, and events.
It can be very easy, expected even to feel sad as you mourn the loss of your dream, anxious with the uncertainty of it all, and listless or unmotivated with the lack of a goal to guide you.
And for a few days, that’s fine. But as the saying goes, you’ve gotta get back on the horse, if you want to find happiness and purpose again. Here are my 5 tips to effective goal setting when everything is flipped upside down:
1. Start with what you need
What basic needs or wants are no longer being met? Have you lost your fitness routine due to a gym closure, or your companionship due to a break-up, or your income due to the loss of a job? If these basic needs aren’t met, you will continue to trip on them. So address them first – can you commit to 30 minutes of movement per day, or to applying to 5 part-time jobs, or to joining a book club or FaceTiming a friend twice per week, to fill that gap?
2. Look for the silver lining
Is there a silver lining to your new reality? Does your requirement to work from home mean an extra 1-2 hours in your day that you don’t have to get ready and commute? Did you lose a job that was holding you back, and that you wanted to quit anyway? Do cancelled plans or trips mean that you’ll save hundreds of dollars over the next months? Are you spending more quality time than ever with your parents or spouse? Find the joy, and use it to re-frame your hardship, Turn “I’m stuck at home every day” to “I finally have the time to go for a walk every morning and make healthy lunches”.
3. Use your long-term vision to guide you
Pull out your journal, and ask yourself: what does the life of your dreams look 10 years from now? Where are you living, who are you with, what are you doing? Do you have kids or pets? What are you passionate about? Spend a few minutes writing what comes to mind. If it’s hazy, that’s okay – just write down how you want to feel: Passionate, or calm? Untethered, or rooted? What is more important to you than ANYTHING?
4. Break your vision down into goals
Starting with 5-year, write down 3-5 goals that, if achieved, would get you closer to the life of your dreams. For example, if you want a dream home on the ocean, how much money do you have to have saved? Make sure that each goal:
Click to download your own personal printable Goal Setting Template
Can be checked off as completed as a “yes” or “no”, and measured quantifiably (ie “I can run 5KM in 35 minutes by May 1” vs “I’m going to run more” or “I consistently pack my lunch 4 days per week” vs “Get better at meal prep”
Is in your control (ie getting married may not be. Going on 3 dates per month or a singles cruise or creating an online dating profile or joining a softball team may be)
Is realistic for you. Maybe now, when you have limited access to equipment is not the time to try to put on 10 lbs of lean muscle or lose 5% body fat, but maybe your goal can just be to stay moving every day, because this is one of your core
Is worth the sacrifice. In order to achieve anything, something else has to be given up. Maybe it’s a daily Starbucks or weekly dinner out to save money, or glass of wine every evening to save calories, or an extra hour of sleep or lazy mornings to squeeze in your workout. Be honest with yourself in what your roadblock or sacrifice is, and make sure your “why” is stronger than the required sacrifice.
Has a timeline, and is written in the present tense (ie By April 2025 I have $10,000 in my dream home savings account)
Repeat the same process for the next 1 year, and the next month (or while you are off work / dealing with a different schedule) – they should get more and more real and achievable (By May 1st I have put a deposit on the design course at MRU / I have read 3 books / I have had FaceTime meetings with 3 realtors to sell my condo)
5. Create your accountability plan
Write it down! When we write down our goals we are 3 times more likely to complete them because the very act of putting pen to paper hardwires our brain with the plan. Plus, there is nothing like the satisfaction of crossing something off your list that you have achieved!
Tell someone! It is human nature to not want to appear flaky or dishonest, which is why accountability buddies and community support can be very effective to keep us on track as we are motivated to “save face”. Find a friend or partner who isn’t afraid to challenge you and share your plan with them, or share your goals on Instagram to put it out in the world
Make a vision board – use Canva to create a beautiful goal / vision board to print and hang in your bedroom or bathroom where you will see it every day. Or keep it simple, and click here to download our goal-setting template and fill it in yourself.
Put it in your calendar! Schedule in appointments for yourself to run every day, to take a class, or to research a program. Send your accountability buddy an iCal invite to ask you about what you said you were going to do in 2 weeks.