Overcome your "I can'ts" and watch your world change
Learning how to replace “I can’t” with “I will” - steps to overcome self doubt, gain the courage to try something new, and start crushing your goals!
Have you ever caught yourself saying “I can’t …” only to later challenge that automatic reaction and ask “WHY can’t I?” If you have, congratulations, you are one step closer to expanding the realm of possibility in your life. If you haven’t, read on. You aren’t the first and certainly won’t be the last person to let that little voice in your head tell you “you can’t” or you’re “just not that type of person”, but with a little bit of awareness and curiosity, you can learn to push back and have the courage to embrace a new challenge and surprise yourself with just how capable you are along the way.
The last year has been an interesting journey for me, with significant shifts both personally and professionally; some I initiated for myself, and others were thrust upon me, but all of them required me to seriously rethink how I conceptualized my life. This total life overhaul resulted in a lot of growth and despite the pain and discomfort along the way, has significantly improved my overall happiness. I can state with confidence that my life is so much better today than it was even a year ago.
One of those shifts was in my self-perception as a “runner”. I remember coming to CrushCamp and being asked by Emily if I was a runner and responding: “Not really; of course I can and have run in the past, but I would never call myself a runner.” In my mind, to self-identify as a “runner” you had to love running alone, wake up at 6 am, and run outside every day of your life (sound familiar?) I grew up playing soccer, so while I have done a lot of running in my life, I didn’t feel this qualified me to associate as a “runner”.
In a goal setting workshop I attended, we were asked, just before we left, to write down one more goal; no matter how crazy, that just popped into our head without questioning it. Somehow running a half marathon found its way onto the page. I was shocked when I read it. I had never considered running one before, and at the time I was averaging a grand total of ONE outdoor run a year! I left that workshop without thinking about this unexpected “goal” until a friend of mine who was not a “hardcore runner” ran the Calgary half marathon. Suddenly it dawned on me that there was no reason why I couldn’t run a half marathon if I wanted to. The only thing between successfully completing it or not was a commitment to myself and a plan. The “I can’t” statement in my head was slowly losing its grip. A few months later while wrestling with some deep challenges in my personal life, registration for SeaWheeze opened. I knew that I desperately needed a win - something that I could dig into, stretch my limits, and come out the other side feeling accomplished, so I registered for the group lottery with feelings of excitement, anticipation, and a dash of “what have I gotten myself into?” From that moment on, I knew that if I didn’t get in, I would be disappointed, because I had already mentally overcome the hurdle of being too scared to do it, so I couldn’t sell myself short and “just run a 10k”. Fortunately, my group got in - it was game time.
My primary goal was to complete the race, pain-free, and with a smile on my face. As I began to share the news with my friends and family I received mixed reactions and a lot of “Oh, I didn’t realize you were a runner,” there was that judgement again. However, I knew I was capable of covering that distance, from years of soccer tournaments playing multiple 90 minute games in a day. The key would be to run it continuously and without injuring myself along the way. So, I started training. This meant I had to overcome a whole lot of moments where I did not want to get out of bed early to fit in my run. I had to say no to social events, or suck it up and run 15km alone when schedules didn’t align. But every time I faced and conquered the resistance in front of me, it got just a little bit easier. I realized that if you want something badly enough, all of the excuses or reasons why you “can’t” start to fade away. Don’t get me wrong, this resistance will always be there (we are human beings hard-wired for survival after all!) but the speed at which you can overcome these moments of doubt gradually gets faster. Once you are out on the pavement, you realize that it’s not actually so bad to get up early on a Saturday morning to go run for 2 hours with your friends. And one day, you might just find yourself saying “only 10 km to go” and realize that you can no longer NOT call yourself a runner, because who else would say such a thing?
Suddenly, I could no longer use excuses like that’s “too early” or “I can’t do that”. And later when the opportunity to join the CrushCamp team came my way, even having to wake up at the crack of dawn couldn’t deter me from accepting the offer because I had learned that I could indeed wake up early for the right things despite being a natural night owl. As you continue to flex this muscle and prove to yourself that you CAN do the things you thought you couldn’t, you may find yourself overhauling other areas of your life, because the automatic excuses no longer have the power that they used to. So you actually commit to eating better, or you re-evaluate the relationships in your life, or you shift your career because you are no longer held hostage by the “I can’t” or the “It’s too late” statements running through your mind.
It’s amazing what ideas and solutions come to the surface when we find ourselves in a moment of struggle. During this time of upheaval and discomfort, I urge you to consider all of the things that your mind is telling you “you can’t do” and to get curious. Are you really physically incapable of running outside when it’s -7 or do you just need to layer up and adjust your expectations? I know I have surprised even myself when it comes to my tolerance for running outside in less than ideal conditions alone during the COVID outbreak; because when the pain of not doing the things that you want to do is greater than your excuses, you have an opportunity to adapt and build a new normal. Once you’ve crossed that threshold, there is no turning back because you have already proven yourself just how capable you are.
Step 1: Challenge your “I can’t” statement
why can’t you?
what is holding you back? (physical limitations, fear, not having a plan, accountability, etc...)
Step 2: Ease into it. What is the next logical step? Ensure it is:
Specific: I will research half marathon training plans for at least 30 minutes
Doable: I will run for 30 minutes tomorrow vs. I will run 12 km tomorrow (even though I have never run further than to the bus stop in my life!)
Timely: I will use my lunch break this week to check out a good running route
Step 3: Ask for help
Do you know someone who has accomplished a similar goal before?
Do you need a coach to help guide you or at least help with the first step?
Do you have a specific plan, is there someone who can help you make one?
Share with friends and family, the more people in your corner the better and even if they don’t always understand your WHY allow any doubters to fire you up!
Step 4: Envision how amazing you are going to feel when you have achieved this goal.
Is it going to take some work and sacrifice? Probably, but is it going to be worth it? Heck yes! (and if your answer is no then this isn’t the right goal for you - keep looking until you find one that lights you up!)
I encourage you to use this time as an opportunity to practise doing things that are uncomfortable; to try something new that you thought you couldn’t do because you will likely find that with the right strategy you CAN do it and it may not be as hard as you thought. You are capable! You might just find a new passion or hobby to keep you sane during this period or start the process of a total life overhaul and look back in one year’s time and realize just how necessary it was for you to overcome all of these stumbling blocks to put you on the path of your dreams.